


River Running Free, You Know How I Feel

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AKA: My denial of TLJ, Angst, Declarations Of Love, Drunken Confessions, Fix-It, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining, so much pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 10:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13029570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: WARNING: TLJ SPOILERSPoe wasn't stupid. He saw how Finn looked at Rose. He knew his place. For once. Leia had shown him that he needed to take a good look at himself. Not in the egotistical way. It was time for Poe to allow for someone to be happy. The ex-Stormtrooper deserved to be happy, after all.As much as it killed him to watch Finn fall in love with someone else, it was worth it see Finn so happy. After the Resistance regrouped on a planet free of the First Order, certain feelings come to light.





	1. Breeze Drifting Over

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction, although I have been writing for many years. TLJ made me very uncomfortable with its treatment of Poe and Finn, so I wanted to give them the love that they deserve. 
> 
> Title comes from Feeling Good by Nina Simone. 
> 
> (Sidenote: Fuck Rian Johnson) 
> 
> Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Poe nodded and laughed as a Resistance pilot told a brazen story about what happened in the trenches of the Crait outpost. His face was bright and eyes shining, but he could already feel serpents twisting in his gut. He knew he should've been celebrating; the Resistance lived to see another day after all. However...every time his eyes darted over to Finn his heart sank.

When Finn had come to him with Rose in tow, spouting a daring and idiotic plan to disable the ship, Poe hadn't been paying attention to the connection between the two. Now it was all that he could see. Why did he even get his hopes up? Was it the electricity that passed through him every single time he saw the ex-Stormtrooper? Or was it just the way Finn wore his jacket religiously after Poe gave it away.

He somehow managed a fake, blinding smile when Finn came trotting over. The other man's beautiful brown eyes were sparkling and just as hopeful as ever. Poe tried not to let his face give away the sharp pain of adoration that went through his gut. _Don't say anything stupid, don't say anything stupid, don't say anything stupid-_

"Hey, buddy," Poe greeted, his voice light. "I see you're taking all the glory for yourself."

_Mission failed._

Finn snorted. "Me? Never. I just wanted to see..how you are doing..I guess."

Poe was slightly shocked by Finn's sudden shyness. Over the past few days Finn had completely blown past his awkwardness with socializing. It was probably because Poe was practically eye-fucking him. Yeah. That was probably it.

"I'm great!" Poe lied, avoiding eye contact with the other man's wide eyes. "I didn't expect to even be _alive_ right now, so it's a pleasant surprise."

"I um, wanted to say, that earlier..with the battering ram-"

Poe had a horrible flashback to when he was sitting helpless in the piece of junk ship (if you can even call that a ship), watching as Finn sped toward imminent death. His hand had already been on the control to turn back toward Finn, but then Rose came out of nowhere. Well...that woman was full of surprises.

"-that I'm sorry for being so rash. I know it was stupid to risk my life. And I went against your direct order. So..I'm sorry. Again." Finn shifted uncomfortably, eyes cast downward in shame.

"I know you were trying to be the hero," Poe sighed. "I understand. I'd do anything for the Resistance, it's all I have. But that's no excuse to be a martyr. Just..don't do that again."

The look of pure regret on Finn's face was enough to make anyone break. It was easy to forget how truly damaged the other man was. Finn acted so brave, but few would survive the mental damage and physical torment that he had endured.

Poe was so fucked.

"Hey, c'mere." Poe opened his arms for a hug as a truce. The jacketed man pulled him into an almost too-tight embrace.

His eyes stung. He blinked it away. There was no room for that. Not now...probably not ever. Poe's body betrayed him, skin buzzing and smile tugging at his lips. It took all of his effort to squash the - he was sure it was smitten and idiotic - look off of his face.

Finn gently let go. Poe snatched his hands back when he realized that he was lingering, fingertips clinging to Finn's hips. He prayed to the Force that Finn hadn't noticed.

"So...Rose," Poe commented, immediately regretting it. Shit. He needed to stop with the self-sabotage. "What's up there?"

"We're friends," Finn grinned as if that was an incredible accomplishment. "She's very kind. I think we're going to be very close."

Inside Poe's mind he was screaming out in pain. Hot flashes of jealousy burned in his chest. Everything that Finn said went straight to Poe's twitching mouth, and he hated himself for that. Rose was really a lovely girl - loyal to a fault and with a strong spirit. But Poe wished desperately that it...it was him.

"That's wonderful," Poe could hear the tightness in his voice. "I'm happy for you." _Lie lie lie lie lie._ "You two deserve each other."

Finn nodded abashedly. It was the most adorable thing that Poe had ever seen. Not even the ice critters could compete against that. And Poe had been considering taking one with him. Poe may not have been able to be with Finn like he so desperately wanted to, but if being friends brought that smile to Finn's face it would all be worth it.

"Poe, Poe." A voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Leia stared pointedly at him, humor just barely hinting in her expression. "We're arriving at Freyji. Please prepare a landing party."

"General..." Poe almost argued that he was a pilot, not an ambassador. He shouldn't be begging the locals to allow them to make camp on their peaceful world. But after losing so many fighters it felt far too selfish and disgusting. "Of course. Right away."

"I'll come with you." Finn nodded. As if the decision wasn't even in question.

"You should watch over Rose." Poe shook his head, speaking through gritted teeth. "She needs you."

Hurt crept into Finn's face. Poe felt remorse, but he stood by his remark. He really didn't need Finn with him talking about his relationship with the wrong Resistance fighter.

"I'm coming with you," Finn repeated, his expression hardening. "You need backup and everyone else is busy."

"I have BB-8-"

"As many times as that droid has saved my skin, I don't give a kriff to be frank with you."

Poe gaped. He really did not expect that language from Finn. It almost did something to him. He felt torn between being offended and very, very attracted to Finn. 

"If you boys are done bickering," Leia called. "We have work to do. Get to it."

They exchanged a mutual look of loathing, almost broke into smiles, then began to walk toward the hanger, BB-8 screeching close behind.


	2. His Body Tense, His Hands They Shake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you guys so much for the incredible feedback! Comments really keep me writing, as much as I love to support our boys.
> 
> Chapter title comes from The War by SYML, would really recommend this song. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

  
The ship sank down onto the surface of Freyji. Poe wasn't sure he'd ever seen a planet so beautiful. It's surface was a creamy blue, streaks of purples and greens flowing through it. One of the guys next to him explained that it was the planet's water that was colorful because of the microscopic organisms residing in it. Poe made a face at that, but apparently it was still safe to drink. All of his years beaming across the galaxy and he still knew nothing.

The landing gear hitting the solid ground, as always, made his stomach drop. It didn't bother him nearly as much as it used to. He almost laughed at the memory of his first flight in which he ran into the bushes of Yavin 4 and threw up for five minutes. It certainly didn't manage to deter him from piloting.

"Freyji to Poe." A hand waved in front of his face. "Is Poe there?"

Poe smacked Finn's hand away. "Shut up. What's going on?"

"The minister of this region wishes to speak with us," Finn said, nodding toward the ship's exit. "You're the most charming so it's your turn."

Poe blinked. Was that..? Was Finn trying to be flirtatious? No. There was no way. The other man didn't even know how to flirt in the first place. He was simply being a supportive - and painfully teasing - friend.

He turned on his megawatt smirk. "You got it. Don't worry, I'll have them swooning within parsecs."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Just go."

Poe shouldered his gear and made his way out the ship. It was concerning that no other Resistance fighters followed him. Finn watched worriedly from the top of the ramp. It felt assuring to have Finn watching over him, but the fact that he wasn't by Poe's side was more terrifying than helpful.

The Freyjians had smooth skin the color of mint, platinum hair in various extravagant hairstyles, and striking violet eyes. Their high-tech gear made it quite clear why the First Order had not attempted to conquer their planet. A woman wearing a regal red cape stepped forward. Poe thought if her eyebrows were hiked any higher they would go off her face.

"So...who talks first?" Poe broke through the silence. In his peripheral vision Finn covers his mouth to hide a giggle. "You talk first? I talk first?"

"Resistance fighter," the green-skinned woman said, her voice high and aristocratic. "What brings your war to Freyji, and how soon can you leave?"

"We humbly request to use your planet as a safe house. The First Order has slaughtered a large portion of our fleet, and we need a place to seek shelter. There is no safer planet than Freyji, and we would forever be in your debt."

"We do not need the First Order here," she scoffed. "They will follow you here, and my people will die for your frivolous cause. Unless you can guarantee that your stay will have no harm to my people, I will have to ask you to leave."

She turned away, the guards raising their sparking spear weapons. Poe bit his lip, mind racing and formulating a sloppy plan that just might work.

"Wait!" Poe shouted. The woman paused, her head inclining. "Wait. We destroyed the First Order's ability to track us through light-speed. Is that the sort of guarantee you need?"

"Almost."

"What about the favor of General Leia Organa?" Poe said. "You did not send troops when we called for last measure support. If you shelter us, then you will be forgiven for your refusal to aid the Resistance."

The Freyjian pondered for a moment. Poe knew he had won her over. He resisted a shout of victory. The woman held up her hand; the guards bristled. She waved them off, and the guards opened the gate to the shining city.

Poe heard loud gasps and shocked chokes behind him. He almost made a sound of astonishment as well. The city was constructed out of purple and white quartz; the buildings towered and spiraled into the sky. Colorful banners and flags were strewn across every possible opening. It was obvious that it was a merchant kingdom, for there were stands and shops lining every street.

"You may take up residence in our central military embassy," the Freyjian leader said. "You have two moon cycles before we can no longer risk your presence here."

"An innumerable amount of thanks," Poe bowed his head. "I will alert the General, Miss..?"

"High Chancellor Rheja Thandalor."

"Can I call you Rheja?" Poe winked.

"No, you may not." The High Chancellor did not appear to be amused. Her guardsmen showed semblance of snickers, however.

Poe turned back toward Finn, expecting to see the man pleased with their accomplishment. For some reason, Finn's face was contorted in something akin to annoyance. That was surprising. Poe blinked and the irritation was wiped away. Maybe he had just been imagining things.

"Alright, let's move!" Finn shouted and broke eye contact.

The Resistance members scrambled to unload the ship as Freyjian guards eyed them suspiciously. The three suns began to set on the horizon, casting a red glow across the lavender city. They travelled down the streets, pushing through thick crowds of Freyjians and otherworldly beings alike. Poe swore he even saw a Cathar.

Finn was avoiding eye contact with him. Poe wondered if somehow, by some means, he had found about about Poe's...emotions. But that was impossible. The only people who knew were across the galaxy undercover. Jess and Snap and the like.

His friends luckily had left the cruiser mere days before the First Order attack. At the time, Poe had been furious - they are the best fighters the Resistance had - but now he was relieved to his core.

The Freyjians led them to the embassy. Both protecting them from the locals and guiding them, Poe assumed. Even though the city was prosperous and bustling, even he could see the criminals in the alleys and the snipers on the rooftops. Keeping peace within your own kingdom is difficult when there is an almost-civil war occurring.

"Gyrataa," the Freyjian guard said to them. It was clear they did not speak Basic. Poe quickly looked around for a protocol droid or a translator or-

"Thanks, you can leave us now," Finn spoke up. The guard raised a silver eyebrow then disappeared into the crowd.

"How do you know Freyji?" Poe questioned.

Finn shrugged, his eyes glinting mischievously. "I don't, I just assumed he told us we're here. And he left so we probably are."

That's pretty hot- "Oh...great. Nice job, buddy."

Finn nodded, as pride crept into his smile. It was a good look on him. They waved the other Resistance fighters into the embassy which was covered in the banners of star systems and planets. Poe recognized many of them, but a couple were from the far reaches of the Outer Rim. Finn suddenly gasped, pointing to one from the Otomok system.

"That's Hays Minor!" Finn said, ever eager to share new information he learned outside of the First Order. "It's where Rose is from. She talked about how she and her sister grew up there and-"

"Yeah, that's great," Poe interrupted, his heart already sinking. "Um, I'm real beat. I'm probably going to get some sleep after calling the General."

"Oh," Finn's face fell for some reason. "Alright. Will I bunk with you?"

Poe choked. "Why-" He coughed again. "Why would you think that, pal?"

"I mean we're already short on rooms...and I thought it would be easier..."

Poe thought about Finn sleeping next to him. How the other man would be under the pretense that there was absolutely nothing besides friendship going through Poe's mind. Poe almost cringed; that would be such an awful lie. Doing that to Finn would make Poe hate himself. He could handle watching Finn love someone else, even being nothing but a friend. But being such a...a creep would be too much for him to handle.

"I'm sorry, I need some space." Poe's hands began to twitch as if they couldn't handle the lie coming from his mouth. "The last few days have been a lot."

"I understand." Finn's tone suggested otherwise, he was just too kind to refuse.

"I'll see you in the morning," he clapped Finn on the shoulder.

"Yeah," Finn said quietly.

_Don't feel bad, you're saving him from far worse. Just walk into the building and try to forget that look in his eyes. Walk away, walk away-_

Poe walked into the building, and the door clicked shut softly behind him. It immediately felt like a mistake. His heart pulled him back to Finn but his mind forced him away. Poe wanted to scream out at the universe for tormenting him so cruelly.

Why did he have to love every single thing that Finn did? Why did Finn have to be so fucking kind and perfect and special? How did he lose Finn the second the man met Rose? Poe knew when Rose showed up on the brig that the two were on their way to being..something more. He had hoped in asking how they met that Rose wouldn't seem so fond, but that was a lost cause.

He followed an embassy worker to his room, eyes cast down on the illuminated floor. In the glowing blue patters he saw two trails of green, swirling around each other in a harmonious pattern. For a moment they drifted apart, then separated entirely. Poe waited for them to return, but they were gone.

He stopped, sighed, then turned back to where Finn was standing in the lobby. His susceptible heart had won this one.


End file.
